| Whoa, did you see that?!? |
[28 Dec 2006|05:00pm] |
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mood |
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 belated |
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music |
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Yahoo thinks it knows what music I like, but it's wrong |
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In protest for being at work in the week between Christmas and New Year's, I'm posting to my blog (all the cool kids are calling them blogs now) for the first time in almost nine months. In those nine months, I have remained alive, I have been goaded by a sneaky woman into purchasing a knife set more expensive than I thought possible, and I have mysteriously gained a new LiveJournal friend, who is now a mutual LiveJournal friend.
Newly mutual LiveJournal friend, who are you?
Anyway, if you're bored, comment and I'll reply. Otherwise, happy holidays and stuff.
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| First entry in two months |
[26 Mar 2006|01:02pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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The Boy With the Arab Strap - Belle and Sebastian |
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I haven't posted in two months because I've been too busy to really look at LiveJournal in two months...
Anyway, it's become clear why the people at Planned Parenthood were surprised when I ordered the full meal deal - the total bill for my testing came to a whopping $607. Damn. Good thing I have comprehensive health insurance.
I blew clean, in case you're wondering.
I'm also now a member of Mensa. I joined one of their mailing lists, and in my introduction mail, included a link to my account of my Mensa test. I got the impression from the subsequent replies that they were not impressed.
And I'm enduring workplace drama! (Which will get its own friends-only post momentarily.)
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| I seem to title entries "whoops" a lot |
[22 Jan 2006|08:25pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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The Stupid Stupid - The Lashes |
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You get weird looks when you say "Chinese people can't drive" a little too loudly in a crowded Chinese restaurant. Especially when you're Chinese.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) onceiwascool's visit to Planned Parenthood |
[07 Jan 2006|03:00pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge - My Chemical Romance |
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One day my manhood fell off. I reattached it using some thumbtacks and used bubble gum, then scheduled an appointment at Planned Parenthood to have my handiwork inspected. Actually, the first part of that story is just a fabrication - I don't chew bubble gum. The second part is true, though.
Anyway, Planned Parenthood is a funny place. It primarily caters to teenagers who want to be tested anonymously, out of their parents' sight. Consequently, when I got there, I found myself sitting in a waiting room full of nervous, embarrassed-looking teenaged girls intent on scrutinizing their own shoes. Once and a while a nurse would emerge and call out one of their names, at which point the stricken girl would look around the room in a panic, afraid that someone they knew had snuck in at just the right moment to hear their name, which would of course be mortifying.
While I was the only male actually waiting for an appointment, I wasn't technically the only one present - once and a while a teenaged boy would make a brief appearance. The boys' motives were markedly different from the girls'. The girls were all there because they were afraid of mistakes past or future. The guys, on the other hand, were there because they were teenaged studs, and as we all know, being a stud requires supplies of the latex kind. Some of them were more upfront than others. On one end of the spectrum, there was the kid who walked in, did five minutes of his best "Don't mind me, I'm just casually waiting in line" impression, then, when he thought no one was looking, grabbed a handful of condoms and literally ran out the door. This was in marked contrast to the boy who walked in bearing his own bag, calmly filled it with condoms, then left without saying a word to anyone.
Once the nurse called my name, I discovered that there's apparently no standard battery of tests; instead, they just run down a list of diseases and ask you if you wanted to be tested for them. I have no idea how you're supposed to know what diseases to be tested for, especially if you're a fifteen year-old kid, so I just said yes to everything. ("Do you want to be tested for the Genital Black Plague?" "Sure!" "But there hasn't been a single reported case of the Genital Black Plague since it was eradicated in North America in 1836!" "So? What part of 'Sure!' did you not understand?") I had a close encounter with some terribly painful-looking scraping, probing, and poking devices, but was relieved to discover that they were for torturing females only. In the end, two vials of blood and a cup full of pee were the extent of my contribution.
So yeah -- I can't think of a witty way to end this entry except to say that I'd better not have the Genital Black Plague.
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| Chuck Norris rules |
[26 Dec 2005|10:42pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Hot Fuss - The Killers |
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I post this despite the fact that I'm not a Chuck Norris fan. Well, make that wasn't a Chuck Norris fan.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
- Filming on location for Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the Chuck giveth, and the Chuck taketh away.
( Read more... )
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| Horny Male Friend's Three Rules for Getting Your Girlfriend Back |
[07 Dec 2005|01:54pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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Vauxhall and I - Morrissey |
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Just found this kind of funny:
i work under the following pretense:
- i'm the best guy you could possibly get.
- you're making a big mistake by dumping me
- let's try to fix you so you understand #1 & #2
Heh.
[long hacking cough]
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[07 Nov 2005|12:00am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Help: A Day in the Life - Various artists |
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My friend apparently described me to his new bride as "his friend who races cars and spends all of his money on fun things."
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| Ok, this is a little weird |
[06 Nov 2005|10:53am] |
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mood |
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 inexplicably headachy |
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music |
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Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking? - The Like |
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Apparently, while stocking up on cheap potato chips and kegs of ketchup at Costco, you can also pick up a casket.
I guess if you wanted to be efficient, you could bring your chips and ketchup home in the casket to save space.
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| onceiwascool reports from the front |
[31 Oct 2005|05:32pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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Greatest Hits - INXS |
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Looks like this year's popular costumes for boys were Spider-Man and Darth Vader, while for girls, the ever-popular fairy ruled.
I've eaten more candy today than I do in a typical month.
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| What's in my mouth?!? |
[27 Oct 2005|01:03pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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Faith - The Cure |
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I just ate a small fruit or vegetable. It was round and about an inch in diameter. It had a soft brown / black skin. Beneath the skin was a thin, pale yellow layer of flesh; the middle of the fruit was filled with a mix of reddish goo, small seeds, and tendrils of flesh. It tasted slightly sweet.
I have no idea what I'm chewing on. Does anyone reading this have any idea?
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| Funny and... not |
[24 Oct 2005|10:52pm] |
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mood |
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 seriously grossed out |
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music |
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Room Noises - Eisley |
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This is a joke about software development, but anyone who's ever worked in an office environment should get it.
This, on the other hand, is the most disgusting link ever, and I apologize in advance to anyone who clicks on it.
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| I'm in the top two percent of studliness |
[23 Oct 2005|04:17pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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The Like Sampler - The Like |
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I've always been amused by the whole concept of Mensa. In case you're not familiar with it - according to the website, it's a club whose sole prerequisite for membership is having "scored in the top 2 percent of the general population on an accepted standardized intelligence test". In other words, to paraphrase a friend of mine, it's a club for geeks who feel the need to prove to the world that they're smart, apparently unaware of the fact that the world doesn't care. 
It seems like a ridiculous concept on which to base an organization -- kind of like the movie Revenge of the Nerds condensed into club form. For that reason, I've always figured there would be some humor value in being a member of Mensa. To be a member would be to be an intentional part of the ridiculousness; instead of denying your freakishness, you'd be embracing it. So, naturally, when I found out that yesterday was American Mensa's National Testing Day, I signed up.
( Read more... )
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| Stuff to do in the LA area? |
[13 Oct 2005|11:15am] |
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mood |
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okay |
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music |
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Plans - Death Cab for Cutie |
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I'm going to be in the general vicinity of Los Angeles this weekend. Are there any must-see sights in the area that I should hit?
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| Random entry time |
[10 Oct 2005|10:14pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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Imagine This - Wax Audio |
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To elaborate on my last entry:
For some reason, haircutters can't cut my hair even to save their lives. I don't think my hairstyle's particularly complicated - the sides and back get cut with clippers - but despite this, I always seem to end up with clumps of hair jutting out of my head at weird angles. I've given up on pointing out the clumps to haircutters, and have instead taken to evening out the sides and back myself afterwards with my own pair of clippers.
I got a particularly bad haircut yesterday, so I decided to extend my self-clipping efforts much higher up the back on my head than I normally would. Back-of-the-head trimming is sketchy at the best of times, but this time I made the fatal error of using too short a clipper length. Whoops. Now I have a big hole in the hair on the back of my head. Not exactly a victory for do-it-yourselfers everywhere.
* * * I'm pretty apolitical, but I still find this cover of John Lennon's Imagine perversely amusing. (Warning: there's a bit of gratuitous cursing at the beginning of the song.)
No political comments, please.
* * * I had a third subject in mind, but since one of my LiveJournal friends has recently given me the affectionate nickname "Slutty" (I prefer "Willing to Try New Things"), I think I'll hide it behind a friends filter. 
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| Hole in my ozone layer |
[09 Oct 2005|10:23pm] |
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mood |
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 bald |
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music |
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Mazzy Star fan radio - Yahoo Music |
] |
Learn from my hard experience, people - be careful when shaving the back of your head with a pair of hair clippers.
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